Too deep to drown
by Ellione
Summary: [ chapter four up! ] Mike broke down after a party. He got told that Danny had left the band... [ R&R plz ]
1. Prologue

~PROLOGUE | TOO DEEP TO DROWN | BY YURI~  
  
Name: Too deep to drown – Prologue  
  
Author: Yuri (…)  
  
Warning(s): Angst  
  
Pairing(s): none  
  
Disclaimer: All mine! ^--^  
  
Comment: Well, duh… this is the prologue. Please R&R! Everything you wanna say goes to Yuri@Ichijo.de!  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
Prologue  
  
I opened my eyes slowly. They were hurting, like the rest of my body. Everything around me was white and blurred. I tried to move, but it didn't work.  
  
So I decided not to move and just stay. I was about to close my eyes again, when I heard a familiar voice far away.  
  
"What's up with him? Is he all right?" it asked. "I guess so. He didn't wake up already but it won't be anything worse than a headache." Answered a voice which I certainly didn't know.  
  
The door opened and some fuzzy looking people got in. As they saw that my eyes were open, they started to speak with me.  
  
"Hey, what's up? You all right, man?"  
  
I wanted to answer something, but I couldn't even open my mouth. "It's OK, let him sleep." Said the still unfamiliar voice.  
  
I closed my eyes again and sank into a light but short sleep. When I got up, some voices were talking again. It was dark now.  
  
"You're awake?" someone bended over me and watched in my half opened eyes. "How long did I sleep..?" I asked quiet.  
  
"Two days," the voice answered. "but it's all right. The doctor says you can leave in about two or three days."  
  
"Where am I?" slowly I began to feel uncomfortable not knowing where I am and who's speaking to me there.  
  
"You don't know? Oh yeah, of course you don't… you're in the Holy Trinity Hospital, remember? You broke down last night." the voice explained to me.  
  
"Did I? I can't remember…" I replied, I really didn't know. "It's OK now, let him sleep. You can talk to him more later." The obvious "doctor" said.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
After a while some memories got back to my empty head. It was the Friday evening and there was a party.  
  
I remembered that I felt like dying in the hot and smoky air. I felt some nausea and so I ran towards to the bathroom.  
  
I really threw my heart and soul up. My throat hurt and I couldn't move for a while. Then I felt someone's hand touching my back.  
  
"Oh my God, Mike. How much did you drink?" someone asked. When I turned around I saw it was Dave.  
  
I didn't answer him. Truth was I didn't even know how much I had drunk. Too much, I guessed. But I couldn't speak anyways.  
  
Then everything got blurred again and there was the white nothing around me when I woke up.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
It felt like my headache was getting worse. I wasn't able to sleep anymore, no matter how hard I tried to.  
  
The door slammed open the second time this day and another person got in. When I blinked I remarked that it was a nurse.  
  
"You're much better now, aren't you? We gave you some painkiller, though." She said to me as she noticed that I'm awake.  
  
"But my headache got worse than before," I answered "that's the reason why I can't sleep."  
  
"It will be better in a few minutes. We gave you some aspirin, too. It will work then. Is there something else that hurts?" she asked while she wrote something on a piece of paper which she put on a small desk next to my bed.  
  
I shook my head. "Nope, it's better now."  
  
  
  
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Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase press the tiny lil' review button below, okay?? ^^;; 


	2. Leaving

~CHAPTER 1 | TOO DEEP TO DROWN | BY YURI~  
  
Name: Too deep to drown – Chapter 1: Leaving  
  
Author: Yuri (…)  
  
Warning(s): Angst  
  
Pairing(s): none  
  
Disclaimer: All mine! ^--^  
  
Comment: Well well, this is chapter two... sorry that it's so late. But I just wanted to… but whatever. Hope you like it! And please review, then I'll review yours! ^^"  
  
Special thanks in this episode go to XeroBaby, Zeero and Lord Jareth. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
  
  
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Leaving  
  
After some time I got something to eat and then later I got some visit, too. It was funny to see all my friends collect together, because this hasn't happen for a long time ago.  
  
And I don't really have that much friends.  
  
"You're up! Are you all right now?" asked Alex, my girlfriend. "Yes, I guess so." I answered her. I was really happy that she was there.  
  
"We informed her as fast as possible. I told her you broke down because you got a light fever which is over now." Whispered Dave while Alex talked to the doctor.  
  
"What happened last night?" I asked, "Someone told me I broke down…" For a short while, Dave said nothing. But then some voices broke through the silence. "Hey, you sleepy thing! Finally woke up?"  
  
"Jay already thought you'll never wake up again!" joked Matt. "Haha, but now I am. I'll kick your ass when I can move again, dude!" I laughed.  
  
"I'll tell you later… when Alex got away, OK?" Dave whispered. "Okay." I nodded.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
Alex had to leave earlier, because she had to learn for an exam. She also worked in the afternoon, so she was busy and couldn't stay long. But she promised to come back again on the weekend.  
  
"All right now, what's up?" I asked when Alex just left the room. "You broke down, don't remember?" Lee answered.  
  
"Yeah, but what did exactly happen? I mean, there was a party… right?" I couldn't even remember arriving at this party.  
  
"The party. Yes, there was a party… Mike, what's the last thing you remember?" Matt looked at me. "Dunno. I remember that there was someone touching my back." I replied.  
  
"Someone asked me about how much I drank, I guess." Then looked at Dave. "Way too much, apparently." He said, reading my mind.  
  
"You don't remember what happened after you threw up?" Jay asked slightly. Slowly I shook my head. "No."  
  
"You broke down because of too much alcohol." Lee responsed. "We just did not want to tell Alex because we thought she might be angry with you then."  
  
"Oh, okay. Thanks guys." I said quietly, then laid back onto the mattress.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
"Happy back home?" asked Matt while the door slammed open with a loud click. "Well, yeah." I tried to smile. I wasn't really happy, but it was better than in that hospital.  
  
I walked through the lounge of our double apartment to my and Danny's room. I opened the door and fell on my warm and soft bed.  
  
When I sat up again, I wondered where Danny was. Normally he's always in his room when I come. Especially when it's so early in the morning like it is now.  
  
Dave entered the room with some food in his hands. "Where's Danny?" I asked. Dave didn't answer. "He wasn't at the hospital and he isn't in his bed now. So where is he?" I asked again. Silence.  
  
I looked down on my bed, my hands were playing nervously with my pants. "Where is he, Dave?" I looked up in his eyes. Dave was staring at the ground saying nothing.  
  
I stood up and went into the kitchen. I grabbed some sushi takeaways and started eating while walking back to the lounge.  
  
I sat down on the couch next to Jay and Lee who were watching some stupid program on TV and fighting about the sushi takeaways.  
  
"Where's he?" I asked calm, as it would be just a normal conversation we had. "Where's who?" they looked up from their food simultaneous.  
  
"You know who." I responsed. "I maybe look stupid, but I am not."  
  
"He left." Lee started. "Why?" I didn't wanna believe that he had left. "As you said, you're not stupid…"  
  
"Was he… upset?" I swallowed. That couldn't be true… or could it? Jay nodded. "He was on drugs again, Mike. He had to leave."  
  
I jumped up. "No!" I yelled. "That's not true! He's our friend, he doesn't have to leave! You made him leave!! How could you??"  
  
Suddenly Matt pulled me down. "Calm down, Mike. We didn't want him to leave. He did it himself." He sighed. "We didn't had any chance."  
  
"Make him come back! Make him come back!" I cried, with tears in my eyes. "He won't come back, Mike. Never."  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
Yum, end! If you really read till here, please review! Review! …and yes, hope ya liked it ^^; 


	3. Sad Truth

~CHAPTER 2 | TOO DEEP TO DROWN | BY YURI~  
  
Name: Too deep to drown – Chapter 2: Sad Truth  
  
Author: Yuri (…)  
  
Warning(s): Angst  
  
Pairing(s): none  
  
Disclaimer: Still mine…  
  
Comment: Hmm, I realized that every time I get positive reviews I'm afraid that the next chapter won't be that good… but I hope this one you'll like, okay?  
  
And special thanks to Zico, Nekekami and also Videl for helping me with names (you'll get why) and all other ppl who reviewed. Thank you so much!  
  
  
  
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Sad Truth  
  
I slowly sat down while realizing that Dave was right. Danny has been upset so often that you couldn't count it anymore.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, Dave…" I whispered, rubbing my eyes. "Did he say where he will go?"  
  
Dave shook his head. Of course. Why should he? After all, he had left for ever. I stared at the ground, not knowing what to do.  
  
After a while I stood up again and went back to my and Danny's… my room. I let myself fall down on my bed and closed my eyes.  
  
How the hell could he do that? Didn't he know he's my best mate? I turned on the side so I looked out of the locked window. It was early in the morning and some grey fog was outside.  
  
I covered my face under my arms and started to sob slightly. How could he do that to me? How could he leave me?  
  
When my sobbing got louder, the door opened slowly. Jay looked in. "Mike? You all right?" he asked. I wonder if he really asked that.  
  
I turned around. "What do you think, Jay? Do I look like I'm all right? Danny has left, Jay. He has left us for ever!" I started crying again.  
  
Jay said nothing. He was just staring at the ground quietly. I didn't know what to say either, so I stopped speaking too.  
  
I fixed an unknown point at wall on the other side of the room behind Jay, so I hadn't look into his eyes.  
  
I wanted Danny to come back. Only this was what I wanted. Then another thought came up to my mind. Jay said he was on drugs, right?  
  
"Jay?" I raised my head. "Yes, Mike?" I took a deep breath. I guessed it wasn't the best idea to speak again about Danny now. "How much did he had?"  
  
"How much what did who had?" He asked. "Danny, how much drugs did he…" I swallowed. "Not that much I guess, but well… you couldn't say."  
  
Yeah, I forgot. How could I? You never can say "how much" he had. But whatever, I wanted to know. "You think he's save?"  
  
"Mike, I do not know. I do not want to know. And even if he isn't, you can't help him out. Can't you see it? He isn't your mate, he doesn't wanna be. He doesn't want your help."  
  
I stared at Jay. How could he say that? Of course Danny's our mate! He will ever be, no matter what happens!  
  
Then I suddenly jumped up and rushed out of the room. "Hey, where do you go? Mike?" shouted Jay. The others raised their heads from the TV and looked at me. Jay came around and followed me.  
  
I ran out of our apartment to the parking lodge while looking for the keys of my car. I opened the door and jumped into it.  
  
I pulled out my cell phone and started calling some hospitals I knew. What if Danny broke down? Would someone have found him? I needed to know. Now.  
  
"Hello. Holy Trinity Hospital. How may I help you?" a nice woman's voice asked on the other end of the line. "Did someone who was on drugs came in since Friday?" I asked.  
  
"Yes, there was a young man with an alcohol shock…" I realized she was speaking about me. "No," I said, "harder ones."  
  
"Did the person had some conspicuous characteristics?" she asked. "He has a lip piercing…" I started. "His hair is light blonde, ya know?"  
  
"No, there was nobody else here since Friday." She answered. "Fuck…" I bit on my lips. "Shall I phone the St. Michael's Hospital? They maybe know…"  
  
"Yeah that would be great, miss." I kept quiet. Suddenly she was speaking again. "Yes there was someone on drugs on Saturday, but I don't know if he's still there."  
  
"Thank you, miss. May I get the address of that hospital?" I asked and searched for something to write. "Of course, sir."  
  
She told me the address, and I was happy that it wasn't very far away. "They haven't identified him already. May you do this?" she asked. "Of course," I answered. "it's Daniel May. Tell them Michael Winter is coming."  
  
"OK, thank you for the information." The woman said, then she hung up the phone. "St. Michael's Hospital…" I whispered, looking on the piece of paper with the address on it.  
  
  
  
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In the end… *sing* whatever, hope ya enjoyed! Review! And well, I decided to make updates every three days – okay? 


	4. Rejection

~CHAPTER 3 | TOO DEEP TO DROWN | BY YURI~  
  
Name: Too deep to drown – Chapter 3: Rejection  
  
Author: Yuri (…)  
  
Warning(s): Angst  
  
Pairing(s): none  
  
Disclaimer: Everything M-I-N-E (as you maybe noticed already)  
  
Comment: OK, OK… I said I'll update every three days. But well, if I get no reviews… it's not fun to update. And anyway, there wasn't enough text for a whole chapter either way ^_^;  
  
Special thanks to all reviewers and my beta reader Tessius! Thank you so much, I love you guys!!  
  
  
  
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Rejection  
  
When I arrived at St. Michael's, I rushed into the building to the reception. "Good evening, sir. May I help you?" the woman in the reception asked with a nice, but little tired smile. "Yes, please." I answered, "it's Michael Winter, I'm searching for…"  
  
"Oh yeah," she took out a small piece of paper, "Daniel May. He's in room 315, it's on the second floor. Maybe I'll show you…? Sir?"  
  
I ran to the elevators and pressed the button. But then I decided to take the stairs. I walked over there and jumped as far as it goes upstairs.  
  
On the second floor, I looked around – a bit puzzled – but then found the right room. Number 315. 'That's it. Here's Danny…' I thought by myself. Then decided not to knock the door. Maybe he was still asleep.  
  
I opened the door slowly. Danny wasn't asleep. He sat on the bed, reading a magazine. He wore his old white t-shirt and his black sunglasses. Even if the sun was shining warm.  
  
"Hi Danny." I smiled. He turned his head, but said nothing. I stared it him silently. My heart was knocking hardly and I felt very nervous.  
  
He still looked at me if he didn't know who I was. I remembered the first time he was in hospital. Everyone had come to see and help him recover from his drug problem.  
  
But now, one and a half year later, nobody than me had come to see how he felt.  
  
It seems that I was the only one who had still hope that Danny could maybe change and recover from his drug problems. But also this hope was now fading.  
  
"Why are you here, Mike?" he asked me. For a short time, I did say nothing. Then swallowed. "I wanted to see if you're all right. The others maybe come later, too…"  
  
He looked at me somewhat surprised. "Don't lie to me, Mike. I'm not that stupid." He laughed. I looked down. I knew he was right.  
  
It really hurt. "Don't you have school?" Danny asked, "you have missed much school stuff I guess, you shouldn't waste your time with me."  
  
I looked at him a little bit shocked. I was truly speechless. "T-that's not a waste!" My whole body was shaking. "You're one of my best mates! You're one of our best mates, Danny!"  
  
He didn't answer me. I knew he didn't want me there, and I didn't want to be there right then too. Danny laid back, looking at the white hospital ceiling.  
  
For a – how it seems – very long time I did nothing without staring out of the window. The morning was over now and the sun was high up in the grey sky. Well, at least I guessed that because you couldn't see it behind the dark clouds.  
  
It seemed that the coldness and rejection in the small room was killing me. I felt very uncomfortably but even though didn't want to leave. I just stared out of the window for nearly one hour, then left without saying a goodbye.  
  
I walked slowly to my car and took out my keys. While I was driving to our apartment, it began to rain. "Shit!" I swore.  
  
I just wore a t-shirt and I was nearly home so I had to walk through the rain which would make me completely wet because it was raining very much.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
I ran to the house and opened the door, covering my head with my arms. "Fuck" just this little way had made me wet through and through I thought. Well, it actually felt like this.  
  
I walked into the lounge. When I blinked into the kitchen, I noticed a small piece of paper on the table. I went on and grabbed it. There was a short message from the guys on it.  
  
"We're shopping. Back in evening. Left some lasagne in the oven… or just order some pizza. – Dave, Jay & the rest"  
  
The rest, it really said the rest. I smiled. Then I looked into the half- opened oven. There was some black, hard plate in it which seemed to be the "lasagne".  
  
I decided to order some pizza or my beloved sushi takeaways. There were usually some numbers on the fridge or somewhere.  
  
I called a local pizza service and ordered some small plain ham pizza. I wasn't really hungry, but I knew I had to eat something.  
  
I went into the bathroom and cooled my face with some water, even if it was already wet. I pulled my soaked clothes off and searched for some new, dry ones.  
  
While walking out of the small bathroom, I noticed a small cutting knife which laid on the wash machine on the opposite of the toilet (I said it was a small bathroom!).  
  
I looked at it, not moving in either way. I didn't even wonder why there was a cutting knife in the bathroom. I stretched my hand after it slowly. What the hell was I doing?  
  
  
  
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Okay, so that's it. Hope ya liked. Sorry for the lack of updates… but if nobody reviews, you know what T_T 


	5. Chances

~CHAPTER 4 | TOO DEEP TO DROWN | BY YURI~  
  
Name: Too deep to drown - Chapter 4: Chances  
  
Author: Yuri (.)  
  
Warning(s): Angst  
  
Pairing(s): none  
  
Disclaimer: Guess what? MINE!  
  
Comment: Oh hell yeah, I know. SLOW UPDATES! I know, I'm a lazy ass. and ff.net is so §%&())&$§)=?(/%§"&/(=/%/)( fucked up damn shit! Nyaargh! I'm going crazy T_T  
  
And thanks again to all people who reviewed! Thank you so much, keep reviewing! @XeroBaby: Hmm yeah, guess you're right. but the problem is, I had totally no ideas and every time I GOT further ff.net didn't work ^^; -_- "  
  
  
  
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Chances  
  
My hands shivered as the cold silver blade touched my arm. Then the doorbell started to ring loudly downstairs. I scared up. I laid the knife back on the wash machine and ran out of the bathroom, downstairs to the door.  
  
I opened the door quickly. A small boy standing in front of me looked up to me. "Five dollar fifty." He said calm. I turned around slowly and walked over into the kitchen.  
  
I pulled out some money and finally gave him six dollars. "Is this alright?" I asked, not sure about how much tips I should give.  
  
He kept silent for a short while, then - I think he decided not be impolite - he answered: "Yes, Sir. Thank you for ordering." And left.  
  
I went back to the lounge, pulled on the TV and sat down on the couch. While I was waiting for the guys, I started eating my pizza.  
  
After a few minutes, I heard keys opening the door. The guys were back. I stood up and walked over to the door. "Hello guys." I said.  
  
"Hey Mike, how's Danny? Is he all right?" asked Jay, but stopped as the others looked at him angry. "I mean, ahm. was the lasagne nice?"  
  
"Well, err. I didn't really felt like lasagne right then. I just. ordered something." I answered. "Hehe, you didn't like it right? Dave cooked it." grinned Matt.  
  
"Anything against my cooking skills, Matt?" Dave really sounded somewhat angry, but we knew it was just a joke. The telephone rang. Matt ran into the kitchen to answer it.  
  
I tried to smile. "Mike!" shouted Matt, "Alexa's on the phone!" It didn't really work out. "Yes," I answered "wait a minute." I ate the last piece of my pizza and went over into the kitchen.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
I opened the mailbox quickly while looking for some letters. I didn't expect any because we never got letters, except bills. But this time there was a small white letter.  
  
I took it out of the mailbox and into the apartment. While sitting down onto the couch, I read who it was from. Seemed to be a music label, or something.  
  
I swallowed and opened it. My eyes flew over the short computer typed lines. "Dave! Hey, look that!" I said, getting louder. "Look what we've got!!"  
  
Dave - followed by the rest - ran down the stairs, also Jay came out of the kitchen to look. "What's that?" he asked. "It's from a small music label - I know it, some artists I listen to are subscribed there." I answered slowly, but excited.  
  
"What does that mean?" Lee came around the couch and took the letter out of my hands. "I've sent our demo to them last month, they want us to go to the studio." He looked up.  
  
"Y-you mean. we made it?" his voice was shaking. "Not already," I answered quickly "But if they like us, we'll maybe get the chance for something bigger."  
  
"That would be great!" Jay responded. "Yes." I stopped. "We have to tell Danny."  
  
"What?" the others looked at me surprised - and not very happy. "He's still our friend. I mean, he's the one who made that." I didn't know what to say.  
  
"No he isn't. He left. Don't remember?" Dave answered quickly, he didn't want me to get arguments for that because he didn't want me to tell Danny.  
  
"But he was on that demo, he has to know!" I cried. I felt so weak, I knew nobody would agree but I had to try. For Danny, for the band. "Please." I whispered.  
  
"Okay, so you can tell him if you want to." Matt said finally. "But don't expect he'll come back because of that, OK?" I swallowed. Maybe I really thought that he'd come back if he heard that we got that big chance. But now I knew it was wrong.  
  
"Yeah, you're right. But we have to tell him anyway." I sighed. I went into the kitchen and grabbed the phone, dialling the number of Danny's new apartment. He had given it to me some time ago.  
  
I let it ring once, twice. nobody answered. "Hey stranger, it's Danny! Like you see I'm not there but you'll maybe leave me a message, kay? Go for it!"  
  
I sighed. After the well known beep-sound I started to speak. "Hey Danny, it's Mike. I have to speak with you. Soon. Bye."  
  
I hung up. Where could he be? Anyway, I had to go to the supermarket before lunch. I grabbed the small piece of paper where I noticed what to buy and put it in my pocket as I took my keys and left.  
  
  
  
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And now, be nice and review! Please!! I'll hug you for it, but just DO IT!!! *waveswitharms* 


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